Damn son!

It's September already?

oh how time pass when you're always under the influence.

Life has taken a 360 turn for most parts. Which is good. I guess. I am (as shocking as it is) in a relationship now.

Yup.

I guess this time i din't get fucked over.

Well, at least not yet.

Argh! Me and my pessismism....

Life has been great lately. Either that or I've just been sober for a while and haven't had to deal with the downing stage that usually gets me dazed and confused more. I'm currently holding up in India. I'm on holidays and this pretty much is gonna be my last time here as my parents are moving soon. By the end of the year to be exact.

My trip here came with a detour. I was in KL for a few days.

What did i do there?

Lol.

What do you think....

But these few months I've spent in foreign land are not in vain. I have decided or think i should stop with the major intoxication i have been getting and just stay clean for a while. Mind you i said Major, this rules out the minors.

Somehow, lately i feel as though the thing that i relate to myself as to what makes me me or special has been the thing that got me all fucked up i the first place. Well, it's either that or maybe i just don't know moderation.

But then again who does with this sort of things?

I'm just so tired of feeling the way I've felt before? I'm at a point where contentment i what i seek. But i am of either two extremes. Never in between. I'm trying though. But as the saying goes " rome wan't build in a day" well normality isn't something you go back into after years of wtfs. Then again, whose to say i was ever normal.

What is normal anyways?

In my head right now > It's so good to say boyfriend

My happiness is not without struggle. God knows even in moments of happiness i am still slightly depressed as i know the moment won't last and then i just start to destroy my own joy. Why can't i ever live in the moment? Or have i just been living to much in the moment before that this is just how i learn my lesson? Again, i'm not one with moderation. I'm too much of an extremist. hahahaha.

It's currently 4 am and there's just so many things in my mind that i'm worried about. I hate being awake at this hour because thoughts will just swirl around my head. My denial mode is at it's lowest end and then i just get worried. Really worried.

A year ago i would probably be up skyping with May but she since has moved to California :( and time difference makes it harder.

I miss her , Dar and Azma.

They made me stronger. They made me sane. They made me happy.

And on that note I'm gonna sign off.

The laptop battery is extremly low and i have a dermatologist appoinment at 11. I hate acne. Fuck them. They have no use or bring no benefit to humans at all. This is just another way of mking life a lil harder for some of us.

I am vain. Yes. I deal with it.

Free from sound

Hello fellow bloggers,

I know it's been a while and it seems like I'm abandoning my blog again but this time i've decided to keep those unwanted heartbreaking memories and just fill this blog with new ones.

" The reason i started this blog was of Parsley Monster, doesn't mean i have to end it for the same reason."

So here's the skinny.

Yes, the ONE that i thought would never be replaced has been put on to the list of things Debra should have never done. ALL JUST WASTED EFFORT!

Bright side is that i didn't succumb to long nights of clubbing, drinking and unXpected home visists. See i have changed :). But i know somehow cause i didn't deal with it well that i know it isn't the end. Either way i'm pretty much over it.

My journey to self discovery in a foreign land has put me in a more confusing state than i was a few months back. I just wish i could meet someone off the streets and just share my thoughts.

Be Responsible For Your Feelings

How the hell do you do that. Years of suppression only brings you closer to somekind of mess up breakdowns you yourself don't know what for. Trust me.

Lately i've been so fed up with everything. You change your game no matter how many times you're still the one fucked. You don't play a game, you're even more fucked. So how? If this is karma, then Karma has been on my back for 3 years now and think it's time for it to give me the good kinda karma instead of the shitty one i've been getting.

Umm Hello? So manipulation is my thing. I've been manipulated 3 times straight. So the ratio of 1:3 is pretty unfair I'm guessing.

Anyways,

Haven't been catching up with the KL scene lately. But i did talk to my BFFFFFFFFFFs Finally :) IMISSTHEMSOMUCH.

I would like to say that there have been some kinda positive expect to me coming here and not just a personal kinda POV positivity i mean all around positivity but i seem more fucked here then i am there. At least there i know why. Here it's slowly seeps in and fuck you up slowly.

The only good thing is that i get a new start and a virtually un-notorius reputation to my name.

Yay. I can self destruct in peace

no eyes . no whispers. no sounds

oh the joys of life

Don you just wanna

OD?

i do.

everyday.

questions hmm ...

How comfortable is too comfortable? That's the question..... Can a person be themselves with someone they've known for years? Or is a person more comfortable being themselves when they are with strangers?

Serenity and Unforgettable memories

So I did something that I'm not proud of... And yeah... Big Mistake! Which now brings me the question of how far am i actually gonna push my luck with the whole I'm young i do what i like thing before i fall flat on my face :/

I still think of Parsley Monster. I'm not over it at all.... I'm trying not to give in and i guess that's what really matters.

I'M TRYING.

And although I know I'm not completely over it and i don't think i'll be ever over it. The sense of trying keeps me in peace.

I do really miss talking to him but as time pass it gets more stupid to hold on..... :/ I feel more stupid.

To even think that he might stumble on my blog site is unsettling. Imagine he reads all this and he'll be so freaked and thinks I'm way overboard. Or if he's the kind of

guy i think he is, he won't.

Then again i haven't actually been very successful with that kinda stuff......

GOA

Bomb diggity backpacking!

I spoke to Suraj and he was like screw Bali let's do GOA! :D Which is like totally awesome. May said yeah Backpacking through Goa sounds good. And i checked accommodations and it goes as low as 6 AUS :) Which is super cheap :)

Hopefully things all go as planned and Goa is a gooooo :D I am soo excited :D I can't freaking wait :)

The thought of actually backpacking is awesome :) I think

that was one of the things i wanted to do since ever... The strangers, the boarding house, the company and the beach chilling!

Meeting new people has been exhausting and i guess i miss those familiar faces :( I'm back on the clubbing wagon and my feet hates the heels I'm wearing... Beer has been an everyday thing, well almost. And the clubs isn't half as fun when I'm sober then when I'm tipsy ... So yeah...

FRIDAY'S BIO CLASS

So every friday i have Bio class which i am so looking forward to cause there's this guy named Steven who reminds me so much of Parsley Monster. From the way

he acts, dress and even draws..... :> Of course i think Steven's a better artist.... He even wears glasses that look like Parsley Monster's... :> He's from Germany :> Here's to hoping :>

I really really like Parsley Monste

r .......... :<>

No wait..

I mean CARED!

MUCH LOVE

Debra

I would love some cocaine maam.....

Lately.....

Things are going good... Hopefully it remains that way...

On wednesday I went to the Tav (the bar in uni) and then hit a few clubs with a friend of mine. Alaa... She's super nice and I'm lucky to have met her cause she introduced me to many people :D which is always a good thing...

Then Friday I went to the Tav again..... I met a mutual friend there from Sunway. He was with another friend and I introduced them to a few friends of mine. I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE HAVE FUN :) Makes everything much much more funner!!

I do still miss home though... Very much... Specially my friends and Parsley Monster. I hope/wish he returns the feeling. So it's been like what a week or more since I reached here. He's still on my mind and I find no one as interesting as he is. NOT EVEN CLOSE.

I know that i just have to give it time... But i dun want this feeling to go .. The fact that I like someone is a great feeling.. I just dread the wondering part and if i'm just super stupid for having feelings for this Dude!

BLAH!

I miss the gang sooo much. Hopefully my Bali plans all work out and everyone can goo..

Now I'm listening to MT Eden Dubstep - Sierra Leone.. Brings back memories man :') And i have to put a half in shopping. I've been doing that too much. Classes are starting tomorrow and I'll probly have more to write then. Till my next untimely tingling feeling to blog.

Love

Crazy Thoughts and Parades in my head

I believe in horoscopes and tarot cards reading.

I know. I shouldn't cause it's all crap but i can't help it. My uncle from Italy read my tarot before i went to sunway and it was actually true. It happened. And I'm not the only one who he got right. Others too...

I have been having this let go issues. I feel all stupid again now. Cause I don't think I'm even a passing thought to him. :/ but he's in my thoughts constantly. Slowly fading but still very prominent..... Hrmm... I dunno. I think God doesn't want me to be in any relationship. Maybe i'm just suppose to get high, eat, sleep, live life, have friends and die.... :<

The song constantly playing on my Ipod Eric Clapton's cocaine. :) Hhahaha... I made a mixed tape the other day for the 2 hour drive from the feri terminal in Menumbok to KK....And my mom who never had the same taste in music sang along to it :> and i also Love Lou Reed's Downtown Dirt.

If you wanna hang out, you got to take her out, cocaine.

If you got bad news, you wanna kick them blues, cocaine.

If the eeling is gone and you wanna ride on, cocaine

She don;t lie, she don't lie, she don't lie, cocaine.

Reminds me of Suraj

:>

Psychologically I think it's better that i think i'm dirt,

Don't you like to have some dirt

Cheap

Cheap

Cheap damn dirt.

- Lou Reed

Also, The Black Keys, Dead Weather, Elbow are on my most played bands list. :) Right now I'm have a blues taste in music ? :O

:/ I have this reoccuring feeling that I'm gonna OD one day and die young. Hahahah.. Not that I'm an addict or anything. It's just this feeeeling. Maybe, who knows?... Suraj have implanted that thought in my mind.... May says she wants to jump off a tall building (if she wanted to commit suicide not that she does) cause it leaves a bigger impact on people. Very Haunting way to go apparently :P

May ILY. Azma ILY.

Azma sent me sweet sms and sweet fb msges :D :D I love the post because i can send her things from here now :D hahahaha... I love making gift boxes. I'm thinking next items are dreamcatchers. If i can fing them here... :>

There's a hole in my neighbourhood which of late i cannot help but fall,

Peaace and Loove

Today :(

If the fact that every where i go there's constant reminders of you is a sign , then GOD O GOD pls

make this work for me!

As you can see I am NOT over Parsley Monster. I hate sounding like a love sick college girl who thinks there's not gonna be anyone out there for her ever except him. But for now i am.

I am currently enjoying my stay :) hopefully it stays that way. Major shopping paradise. Shopping is so cheap here! I wish May and Azma :( And i don't feel like a hefty hippo here, Well at least less than i do back home .....

I am just happy right now. Though I feel a lil uneasy about everything. I think the thing that scares me the most is that I'll be forgotten by my mates back home. Tight now that's all that worries me. Life here is going to be interesting. I hope.

More when there's more

till then

Stay too cool for school