The LIST

Ola :)

I have just got back from the field outside the condo i'm living in after a failed attempt to get drunk on tequila.

But it was none the less a good time
:D

While taking a nice hot shower i had this idea to blog about criteria or in much simplier words the things we want in our partners or what we are looking for in a partner.
"i believe the perfect match is out there for all of us. And yes, i have a list of things I'm looking for.(Don't you?)"

We all have our long list of the "perfect" guy or girl.

Don't deny it because it's perfectly reasonable to have one. I do have mine and i still hold on to it eventhough the guys i eventually date are the total opposite. This is my list ( and BOY! it is a doozey!)

Firstly, this "person" has to be musically in sync with me. No bullshit shallow songs that i hate.
Secondly, sense of humour is a must.
Thirdly, this guy is spontaneous and rebellious. Yes, i have a thing for dominant guy.
Which leads to the fourth and most important criteria "an ALPHA male".
Fifth is the fact that he has to be nice which from my experience clashes with the whole alpha male bit.
Sixth is the fact and now this is also an important factor to me , to be STRAIGHT FORWARD. I hate the whole i have to guess thing. You tell me what you want cause i as hell won't guess it.
And lastly, well this is not a must but a plus if that person does posses it plays a musical instument, sings or is in a band.

There are people i know who solely stick to their list. And when i ask them when their first relationship was they would either respond "i haven't ever been in one" or some would tell me when but then i ask them why it ended they would mostly respond " because she wasn't what i thought she was". I know that "she wasn't what i thought she was" may mean many things but after elaborating to me what it meant it all concluded to "i thought she was all that i was looking for but turns out she was lacking some quality on the list". So they cut that person off. Some of my friends get disgusted when the person they are seeing or casually dating does something (even if small) off the list.

In my mind i was FUCK the list.
But i am too guilty of being a victim of the list.

I've never threw away a perfectly healthy relationship away because of the list. But there were times where i have not considered dating a perfectly nice datable guy because he had not posses all the qualities in the list.
However, the guys that i have dated or have been casually dating with fell short of somethings on the list.

They didn't last, nor was it a good ending.

Some friends of mine have no list at all. Well, they claim to have none. They go from one relationship to another. Confused, dazed and just plain not knowing what they want. Often, they would ramble on and on about what they don't want. But when asked what they do want. They say they don't know.

This is where having a list is good.

I am not saying that the list is bad. No no no.... I am saying far from that. Nor am i saying that we should all stick to our list.

The list is good as a guideline. Because i'm guessing none of us have a listed a quakity where the person we date needs to be an asshole.... It acts as (how do i put it?) a guide to steer clear frim an "unhealthy" realationship or a thing that we know isn't gonna work out so why waste our time. Rigidly following the list however is totally unhealthy.

All and all it comes to individual differences. Some may like brunettes and some blondes. Some skinny some meaty. It's not all about the looks though. Some may prefer the quiet ones and some with a loud personality. It's all up to us.

"Blind love is foolish love but love that has to be calculated is no love at all"

So i guess i'll end this by saying " i know that when i do find the right one, he won't have every quality on the list.What is important though is that he knows himself - that is what's most important."

much love
Debra

As The Day Passes By

Ohh the morning's glory.

To bad i missed it all. I woke up at 4:19 pm today because i didn't feel like waking up at all. The morning practically passed me by. Not cool at all :O ......
My dad called me up at like 12:16 pm. He asked me to check my e-mail cause he sent the whole University acceptance letter and my course programs..... I was just happy that i got accepeted. So then i decided to look for accomadation.

Before that though i got up and made french toast. Yes :) i cooked! I am and not many people know this an AWESOME cook.

I have millions of things that is needed to be done.
and here i am blogging

I just wanted to rant
I'll blog meaningfull stuff tonight
much love
Debra

Jake on Chmistry :)

You can´t see with the sun in your eyes
You're innocent
You think everything is possible
And nothings gonna get you baby
Everything is touchable
Nothings gonna beat you in this life

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang,

How have ya'll been?

I've been great. I guess considering i have tons to do . The urrr lyrics on top of this post is from Steereophonics's song Innocent . Yes, my LOVE for them has been rekindled and nothing can stop me from blogging endlessly about how awesomei think they are and how their songs are epic and will witshtand time itself :P

Anyways, i was going through my old diary just now. The one i started when my first semester just started and boy oh boy was i so embarresed by it. My enless ranting about boys boys boys. Well BOY to be exact. Ahhhh.... How times has changed :) I feel like burning that diary but then it does cheer me up when i'm down or when i feel really embarresed about something i read that then i remember more embarresing times.

BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT

I discovered in my diary, articles that i've saved from GLAMOUR magazine UK edition. Yes, i use to spend ALOT on magazines before. This articles was about Jake ( a man's opinion about dating) . I use buy the mag cause i really wanted to read his aticle. One article i kept that was really eye opening for me was the one in the december 2009 issue. "What Makes A Man Fall Hard For You?". Jake says " more than looks, personality or anything else it's the chemistry." He points out that even if we did meet the perfect person for us. Perfect as in shares the same interest, good sense of humour, good looking, even if we know it would be perfect if the chemistry is not there then it's not on.

In one paragraph

Of the myraid factor that makes or break a love connection- sense of humour, intelligence, the orientation of toilet paper roll(over or under ;people?)- chemistry is th perennial mystery , stronger than attraction and unrelated to compatibility. You're never sure why it hits, but when it does , you know it. As far as i can tell, guys fall slave to this beguiling force more than woman do.

So yeah.

Chemistry is an important factor.
It's not all about biology.
lol
get it?

It's like staring outside a window. You know you want to got out, the weather is so perfect , the time is just right.

BUT YOU JUST DON'T FREAKING FEEL LIKE IT.

In the article he was using this girl "Holly" as an example. Apparently they clicked so well that it would be insane to let her go. However, he felt no chemistry. But instead of just not dating her. He did. For the sex. The sex got old and so did the relationship.

" if the chemistry was missing , there is only a limited - time- only thrill of the new"

BEFORE HOLLY

"There was Jenny. The one that hits you like a strong narcotic . Had virtually nothing in common. But i was smitten. HYPNOTISED. I would have done anything short of setting my eyebrows in fire to keep her and i still can't put my fingers on why."

He ends by saying

"i am a chemistry willing victim. But if it can keep me with somebody so wrong for me, it can also keep me from someone really rright, helping us both get through rocky relationship every couple hits."

I love his articles.
I really do. He just makes soo much sense. It's amazing.

I am going to end this post with a quote by David E.Kelly

Chemistry is not anything an executive producer or writer can orchestrate or plan; you just hope for it.

Much love
Debra

Love and Other Madness

Since everyone seem to be getting into a relationship lately i've decided to dedicate this post to
LOVE
<3>

Who knew there was so much research on and definition of love? I have copied this from another site (meaning of life):

According to Rubin (1970), love has three components: (1) an affiliative and dependent need, (2) a predisposition to help, and (3) exclusiveness and absorption. Liking is more closely akin to friendship.

In his research, Wong has found that liking can be negatively related to passionate love ; in other words, you may be madly in love with someone you dislike, because your mind tells you that he or she is “bad news”, but your heart is still lovesick.

According to Tennov (1979), love is different from limerence. Love is mutual, and is characterized as a great affection and concern for the welfare of the beloved. Limerence, on the other hand, is passionate love gone wild. It begins with a spark of interest, and under appropriate conditions, can grow into enormous intensity. Limerence is a state of cognitive obsession, an unrealistic hope of reciprocation. A tiny bit of reciprocation, whether motivated by pity or vanity, will result in feelings of euphoria, which inevitably turn to despair and misery. However, limerence can grow into love, when it is completed fulfilled.

Peele and Brodsky (1975) also differentiate between addictive love and genuine love. Addictive love occurs when a person is totally absorbed in the love object in order to escape from an otherwise meaningless and unhappy existence. Such obsession distracts from a person’s ability to pay attention to important aspects of his or her life. Prolonged separation or termination of the relationship can cause “withdrawal symptoms” similar to those of a drug addict.

Lee (1973) has developed a typology consisting of six types of love: (1) Eros, where the lovers search for someone with specific physical characteristics; (2) pragma, where potential love-objects are rationally considered; (3) agape, where the person loves without expectation of reciprocation; (4) ludus, where love is treated as agape; (5) storage, which is similar to compassionate love, and (6) mania, which is similar to addiction love, characterized by cognitive obsession as well as emotional peaks and valleys.

Sternberg (1986) views love as a triangular structure, consisting of three components: intimacy, passion and decision/commitment. Various combinations of these components result in eight kinds of love: (1) non-love (absence of the three components),(2) liking (intimacy in isolation), (3) infatuation (passion), (4) empty love (decision/commitment), (5) romantic love (passion and intimacy), (6) compassionate love (intimacy and decision/commitment), (7) fatuous love (passion and decision/commitment), and (8) consummate love (which includes all three components.)Literature, music and films are replete with themes of forlorn love.

Judging from newspaper advice columns, magazine articles and self-help books (i.e., Halpern, 1983; Phillips & Judd, 1978), the problem of unrequited love seems both serious and widespread. It is not surprising that popular interest in unrequited love has remained unabated, because more often than not people are not able to win the affection of the man or woman of their dream and suffer much as a result. When one’s love is not reciprocated, a host of negative reactions might follow. In extreme cases, a person may be driven to attempt suicide in order to escape the pain. However, even in milder cases unrequited love causes pain and may interfere with a person’s daily functioning. Unrequited love, as it is commonly known, involves situations in which one person passionately loves an unresponsive object.

Tennov (1979) has provided numerous examples of forlorn love. Lee’s (1973) manic lover and Hazan & Shaver’s (1987) anxious ambivalent lover also fall into this category. Each of these describes an intense craving for intimacy, an irresistible cognitive obsession with the love object, and prolonged sufferings caused by rejection and jealousy. The driving force is not sexual gratification, but reciprocation of romantic interest and devotion. We refer to this type of obsessive love as the Classic unrequited love.

Co-dependency is a term used to describe those people whose lives are completely intertwined with a drug/alcohol addict, such as a spouse or lover. The co-dependent identifies with their love object to the extent of losing his/her own identity. The needs and problems of the addict are taken on by the co-dependents as their own. The co-dependents choose to get stuck in a painful relationship, because of their neurotic need to be needed and their own insecurity. Thus, unlike classic unrequited love where the ultimate goal is union, the goal of the co-dependent is the fulfillment of a need to be needed, no matter how unloving and painful the relationship is.

Another kind of unrequited love is less intense, and more common-hence the term minor unrequited love. This type is characterized by one’s perception that one’s partner does not reciprocate one’s love to a similar degree. Minor unrequited love may be only a distorted perception or it may be an accurate portrayal of the situation. In either case, it may result in feelings of dissatisfaction and upset. Because it is a negative and potentially destructive experience, psychopathology may develop. Even minor unrequited love may cause marital breakdown and may adversely affect other areas of the person’s life. “

No shit.

It made me laugh for abit and i hope ya'll enjoy

much love

Debra

Something Fun

Red The Truth.

I am a cuddler.
I am a morning person.
I am an only child.
I am currently in my pajamas.
I am currently pregnant.
I am currently single.
I am currently suffering from a broken heart.
I am left handed.
I am married.
I am addicted to my MySpace.
I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
I am a little shy around the opposite gender at first.
I bite my nails.

I can be paranoid at times.

I don’t like anyone.
I enjoy country music.

I enjoy smoothies.

I enjoy talking on the phone.
I have a car.
I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.

I have a hidden talent.

I have a pet. I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl.
I have all my grandparents.
I have been to another country.

I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
I have or had broken a bone.
I have caller I.D. on my phone.

I have bathed someone. I have changed a diaper.

I have changed a lot over the past year.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have had major/minor surgery.
I have killed another person.
I have had my hair cut within the last week.
I have mood swings.

I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I have rejected someone before.

I have seen the television show The O.C.

I have seen the “Lord Of The Rings” trilogy.
I like the taste of blood.
I love Michael Jackson.

I love sleeping.

I love to shop.

I own 100 CDs or more.
I own and use a library card.
I read books for pleasure in my spare time.

I sleep a lot during the day.

I strongly dislike math.

I was born in a country other than the US.
I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
I work at a job that I enjoy.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I am currently wearing socks.
I am tired.
I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.
I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month.
I have/had:
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
Collected something really stupid. Helped someone.
Spun turn tables.
Watched four movies in one night.

Taken a college level course.

Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.

Burned yourself.
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep.

Spent over $200 in one day.

Cheated on someone.

Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
Had a best friend.

Lost someone you loved.

Skipped school.

Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.

Stolen books from the library.
Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
Fired a gun.
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yard sale.
And a lemonade stand.
Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to Sea World.
Attempted suicide.
Voted for American/Australian Idol.
Written poetry.

Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn’t have.

Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Seen the Washington Monument.
Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.

Had a hamster.
Gone surfing in California.
Did “spirit day” at school.
Dyed your hair.

Had something pierced.

Got straight A’s.
Been on the Honor Roll.
Your parents sent you to a shrink.
Been handcuffed.
Taken pictures with a webcam.

I am ___ tall.
5’0” or shorter
5’1” or 5’2”
5’3” or 5’4”
5’5” or 5’6”
5’7” or 5’8”
5’9” or 6’0”
6’1” or taller

My hair is naturally the color ___.
Light brown
Medium brown
Dark brown
Blonde
Black
Dirty blonde
Strawberry blonde
Purple

My hair’s natural texture is ___.
Curly
Straight
Wavy
A combination of things
Nappy

My sexual orientation is ___.
Straight.
Gay
Bisexual.


I am a ___.
Male
Female

My longest relationship was ___. (including on and off relationships)
1 month or less
2 months
3 months
4 months
5 months
6 months
7 months
8 months
9 months
10 months
11 months
A year+
Two years or more
I’ve never been in a real relationship.

Some of my biggest fears are ___.
Spiders/other insects
Dying
Doctor/dentist appointments
Hospitals
Needles
Disease

Being alone in the dark
Heights
Small spaces
Oceans/large bodies of water
Holes
Large animals
Small animals
Dying young
Old people

I have ___.
A boyfriend
A girlfriend
A friend with benefits
A computer in my room
A television in my room
Good grades
My own car
Married parents