It's September already?
oh how time pass when you're always under the influence.
Life has taken a 360 turn for most parts. Which is good. I guess. I am (as shocking as it is) in a relationship now.
Yup.
I guess this time i din't get fucked over.
Well, at least not yet.
Argh! Me and my pessismism....
Life has been great lately. Either that or I've just been sober for a while and haven't had to deal with the downing stage that usually gets me dazed and confused more. I'm currently holding up in India. I'm on holidays and this pretty much is gonna be my last time here as my parents are moving soon. By the end of the year to be exact.
My trip here came with a detour. I was in KL for a few days.
What did i do there?
Lol.
What do you think....
But these few months I've spent in foreign land are not in vain. I have decided or think i should stop with the major intoxication i have been getting and just stay clean for a while. Mind you i said Major, this rules out the minors.
Somehow, lately i feel as though the thing that i relate to myself as to what makes me me or special has been the thing that got me all fucked up i the first place. Well, it's either that or maybe i just don't know moderation.
But then again who does with this sort of things?
I'm just so tired of feeling the way I've felt before? I'm at a point where contentment i what i seek. But i am of either two extremes. Never in between. I'm trying though. But as the saying goes " rome wan't build in a day" well normality isn't something you go back into after years of wtfs. Then again, whose to say i was ever normal.
What is normal anyways?
In my head right now > It's so good to say boyfriend
My happiness is not without struggle. God knows even in moments of happiness i am still slightly depressed as i know the moment won't last and then i just start to destroy my own joy. Why can't i ever live in the moment? Or have i just been living to much in the moment before that this is just how i learn my lesson? Again, i'm not one with moderation. I'm too much of an extremist. hahahaha.
It's currently 4 am and there's just so many things in my mind that i'm worried about. I hate being awake at this hour because thoughts will just swirl around my head. My denial mode is at it's lowest end and then i just get worried. Really worried.
A year ago i would probably be up skyping with May but she since has moved to California :( and time difference makes it harder.
I miss her , Dar and Azma.
They made me stronger. They made me sane. They made me happy.
And on that note I'm gonna sign off.
The laptop battery is extremly low and i have a dermatologist appoinment at 11. I hate acne. Fuck them. They have no use or bring no benefit to humans at all. This is just another way of mking life a lil harder for some of us.
I am vain. Yes. I deal with it.
