2011

HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEARS EVERYONE!

2011

It's been a while i know but yo know what ... The past is the past and now it's 2011 bitches :)

My new years is going as expected. Social gatherings, the fake smile you have to hold when greeting people that you either have no idea who they are or you just don't like them. I however manage to sneak up with a bottle of vodka and drink myself silly but before that blog.

Oh how 2010 has changed me. Friendships made, lost and some stayed the same. Hearts broken, fixed then normal again. What that year has brought me and taught me are worth the pains, troubles and despair.

Although i am not spending new years the way i always do that is to get shitless drunk and not remembering nor do i wanna remember the damage done the night before with my dear BFFL(best friends for life) Darwina Dawood i am content with family time and this. :) Maybe it''s age (i just turned 19) or the fact that the loud music in clubs has lost its magic or magnetic pull on me like almost a year ago.

I won't say that if i could i wouldn't want to spend new years with my friends. Well, mostly just Dar, May and Azma. I wish they were all here with me. this year I'll try to be more foward with my feelings. In general.

This I can admit in the security and comfort of my own blog cause i assume no one i want not reading this to read this.

LOL.

I have realise that if i don't put myself out there, then i'm losing out on things that i could be enjoying. Not just feelings wise but also in just things in general.

That would be one of my resolution. The other is to STOP this messed up thing that i do and get myself in this situation where I'm just this bad person. So yeah. No more. Karma is a bitch and I'm feeling it already.

If i was to wish for the perfect guy it would be Brandon Boyd. I swear reading his interviews, his mind is so amazing. Unexplainable. Screw the way he looks( he is very good looking btw) even if he looked like a hobo, i would still be soo at awe. His views on life, art, music , religion. If i could just sit and talk to this man i would be eternally greatfull. I mean his lyrics are so allusive , concise and consequential,.... i just want to pick his brain. I know i sound like i'm talking about this great philosopher but i can't help it. Yeah i know, he might be a shallow asshole for all i know but common. A guy who thinks the way he does has my heart.

i don't want a Brad Pitt. I want a Shakespeare.

Okay so yeah. Maybe my dating record hasn't been the most normal. And yes there is a pattern in the type of guys i fall for. Christine says it too. Btw you don't even want to know the hell she put me through when i was with her. This is what she said to me " Debra. You have a problem. This are the characteristic you look for in a guy. Melancholic , tormented, depressed and above all that they are so intense. It's like tortured love"... I'm like "What the hell is that suppose to mean?" Christine " Umm... Seriously, it's like you need this sense of emotional torment to survive... Weirdly, you embrace it. You guys get so intense like it's the one. and things end and they get all psycho"

So yeah maybe there has been a few weird stuff that happened . Like major psycho stalking that just freaked me out and the full blown over exaggerated expression of love (Yeah, i know it sound really sweet. But at 16 , you freak out and dude. That was really freaky)...

I hate Christine number one because she's like my relationship shrink okay. I just cannot escape her.

Anyways, i doubt Brandon Boyd is that Intense. So progress has been made :) . Hahahahah... I mean i can always change :)

This would probably be the last time Christine be bugging me with all this. I swear i woke up on my bday praying that she would lose my number.... And no way whatsoever be able to contact me.

Didn't happen.

I'm probly brave enough to post this because when your intoxicated to the degree i am now, well lets just say if this was public i would have embarrassed myself in soo many ways already,

triple love to you guys,

<3