Damn son!

It's September already?

oh how time pass when you're always under the influence.

Life has taken a 360 turn for most parts. Which is good. I guess. I am (as shocking as it is) in a relationship now.

Yup.

I guess this time i din't get fucked over.

Well, at least not yet.

Argh! Me and my pessismism....

Life has been great lately. Either that or I've just been sober for a while and haven't had to deal with the downing stage that usually gets me dazed and confused more. I'm currently holding up in India. I'm on holidays and this pretty much is gonna be my last time here as my parents are moving soon. By the end of the year to be exact.

My trip here came with a detour. I was in KL for a few days.

What did i do there?

Lol.

What do you think....

But these few months I've spent in foreign land are not in vain. I have decided or think i should stop with the major intoxication i have been getting and just stay clean for a while. Mind you i said Major, this rules out the minors.

Somehow, lately i feel as though the thing that i relate to myself as to what makes me me or special has been the thing that got me all fucked up i the first place. Well, it's either that or maybe i just don't know moderation.

But then again who does with this sort of things?

I'm just so tired of feeling the way I've felt before? I'm at a point where contentment i what i seek. But i am of either two extremes. Never in between. I'm trying though. But as the saying goes " rome wan't build in a day" well normality isn't something you go back into after years of wtfs. Then again, whose to say i was ever normal.

What is normal anyways?

In my head right now > It's so good to say boyfriend

My happiness is not without struggle. God knows even in moments of happiness i am still slightly depressed as i know the moment won't last and then i just start to destroy my own joy. Why can't i ever live in the moment? Or have i just been living to much in the moment before that this is just how i learn my lesson? Again, i'm not one with moderation. I'm too much of an extremist. hahahaha.

It's currently 4 am and there's just so many things in my mind that i'm worried about. I hate being awake at this hour because thoughts will just swirl around my head. My denial mode is at it's lowest end and then i just get worried. Really worried.

A year ago i would probably be up skyping with May but she since has moved to California :( and time difference makes it harder.

I miss her , Dar and Azma.

They made me stronger. They made me sane. They made me happy.

And on that note I'm gonna sign off.

The laptop battery is extremly low and i have a dermatologist appoinment at 11. I hate acne. Fuck them. They have no use or bring no benefit to humans at all. This is just another way of mking life a lil harder for some of us.

I am vain. Yes. I deal with it.

Free from sound

Hello fellow bloggers,

I know it's been a while and it seems like I'm abandoning my blog again but this time i've decided to keep those unwanted heartbreaking memories and just fill this blog with new ones.

" The reason i started this blog was of Parsley Monster, doesn't mean i have to end it for the same reason."

So here's the skinny.

Yes, the ONE that i thought would never be replaced has been put on to the list of things Debra should have never done. ALL JUST WASTED EFFORT!

Bright side is that i didn't succumb to long nights of clubbing, drinking and unXpected home visists. See i have changed :). But i know somehow cause i didn't deal with it well that i know it isn't the end. Either way i'm pretty much over it.

My journey to self discovery in a foreign land has put me in a more confusing state than i was a few months back. I just wish i could meet someone off the streets and just share my thoughts.

Be Responsible For Your Feelings

How the hell do you do that. Years of suppression only brings you closer to somekind of mess up breakdowns you yourself don't know what for. Trust me.

Lately i've been so fed up with everything. You change your game no matter how many times you're still the one fucked. You don't play a game, you're even more fucked. So how? If this is karma, then Karma has been on my back for 3 years now and think it's time for it to give me the good kinda karma instead of the shitty one i've been getting.

Umm Hello? So manipulation is my thing. I've been manipulated 3 times straight. So the ratio of 1:3 is pretty unfair I'm guessing.

Anyways,

Haven't been catching up with the KL scene lately. But i did talk to my BFFFFFFFFFFs Finally :) IMISSTHEMSOMUCH.

I would like to say that there have been some kinda positive expect to me coming here and not just a personal kinda POV positivity i mean all around positivity but i seem more fucked here then i am there. At least there i know why. Here it's slowly seeps in and fuck you up slowly.

The only good thing is that i get a new start and a virtually un-notorius reputation to my name.

Yay. I can self destruct in peace

no eyes . no whispers. no sounds

oh the joys of life

Don you just wanna

OD?

i do.

everyday.

questions hmm ...

How comfortable is too comfortable? That's the question..... Can a person be themselves with someone they've known for years? Or is a person more comfortable being themselves when they are with strangers?

Serenity and Unforgettable memories

So I did something that I'm not proud of... And yeah... Big Mistake! Which now brings me the question of how far am i actually gonna push my luck with the whole I'm young i do what i like thing before i fall flat on my face :/

I still think of Parsley Monster. I'm not over it at all.... I'm trying not to give in and i guess that's what really matters.

I'M TRYING.

And although I know I'm not completely over it and i don't think i'll be ever over it. The sense of trying keeps me in peace.

I do really miss talking to him but as time pass it gets more stupid to hold on..... :/ I feel more stupid.

To even think that he might stumble on my blog site is unsettling. Imagine he reads all this and he'll be so freaked and thinks I'm way overboard. Or if he's the kind of

guy i think he is, he won't.

Then again i haven't actually been very successful with that kinda stuff......

GOA

Bomb diggity backpacking!

I spoke to Suraj and he was like screw Bali let's do GOA! :D Which is like totally awesome. May said yeah Backpacking through Goa sounds good. And i checked accommodations and it goes as low as 6 AUS :) Which is super cheap :)

Hopefully things all go as planned and Goa is a gooooo :D I am soo excited :D I can't freaking wait :)

The thought of actually backpacking is awesome :) I think

that was one of the things i wanted to do since ever... The strangers, the boarding house, the company and the beach chilling!

Meeting new people has been exhausting and i guess i miss those familiar faces :( I'm back on the clubbing wagon and my feet hates the heels I'm wearing... Beer has been an everyday thing, well almost. And the clubs isn't half as fun when I'm sober then when I'm tipsy ... So yeah...

FRIDAY'S BIO CLASS

So every friday i have Bio class which i am so looking forward to cause there's this guy named Steven who reminds me so much of Parsley Monster. From the way

he acts, dress and even draws..... :> Of course i think Steven's a better artist.... He even wears glasses that look like Parsley Monster's... :> He's from Germany :> Here's to hoping :>

I really really like Parsley Monste

r .......... :<>

No wait..

I mean CARED!

MUCH LOVE

Debra

I would love some cocaine maam.....

Lately.....

Things are going good... Hopefully it remains that way...

On wednesday I went to the Tav (the bar in uni) and then hit a few clubs with a friend of mine. Alaa... She's super nice and I'm lucky to have met her cause she introduced me to many people :D which is always a good thing...

Then Friday I went to the Tav again..... I met a mutual friend there from Sunway. He was with another friend and I introduced them to a few friends of mine. I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE HAVE FUN :) Makes everything much much more funner!!

I do still miss home though... Very much... Specially my friends and Parsley Monster. I hope/wish he returns the feeling. So it's been like what a week or more since I reached here. He's still on my mind and I find no one as interesting as he is. NOT EVEN CLOSE.

I know that i just have to give it time... But i dun want this feeling to go .. The fact that I like someone is a great feeling.. I just dread the wondering part and if i'm just super stupid for having feelings for this Dude!

BLAH!

I miss the gang sooo much. Hopefully my Bali plans all work out and everyone can goo..

Now I'm listening to MT Eden Dubstep - Sierra Leone.. Brings back memories man :') And i have to put a half in shopping. I've been doing that too much. Classes are starting tomorrow and I'll probly have more to write then. Till my next untimely tingling feeling to blog.

Love

Crazy Thoughts and Parades in my head

I believe in horoscopes and tarot cards reading.

I know. I shouldn't cause it's all crap but i can't help it. My uncle from Italy read my tarot before i went to sunway and it was actually true. It happened. And I'm not the only one who he got right. Others too...

I have been having this let go issues. I feel all stupid again now. Cause I don't think I'm even a passing thought to him. :/ but he's in my thoughts constantly. Slowly fading but still very prominent..... Hrmm... I dunno. I think God doesn't want me to be in any relationship. Maybe i'm just suppose to get high, eat, sleep, live life, have friends and die.... :<

The song constantly playing on my Ipod Eric Clapton's cocaine. :) Hhahaha... I made a mixed tape the other day for the 2 hour drive from the feri terminal in Menumbok to KK....And my mom who never had the same taste in music sang along to it :> and i also Love Lou Reed's Downtown Dirt.

If you wanna hang out, you got to take her out, cocaine.

If you got bad news, you wanna kick them blues, cocaine.

If the eeling is gone and you wanna ride on, cocaine

She don;t lie, she don't lie, she don't lie, cocaine.

Reminds me of Suraj

:>

Psychologically I think it's better that i think i'm dirt,

Don't you like to have some dirt

Cheap

Cheap

Cheap damn dirt.

- Lou Reed

Also, The Black Keys, Dead Weather, Elbow are on my most played bands list. :) Right now I'm have a blues taste in music ? :O

:/ I have this reoccuring feeling that I'm gonna OD one day and die young. Hahahah.. Not that I'm an addict or anything. It's just this feeeeling. Maybe, who knows?... Suraj have implanted that thought in my mind.... May says she wants to jump off a tall building (if she wanted to commit suicide not that she does) cause it leaves a bigger impact on people. Very Haunting way to go apparently :P

May ILY. Azma ILY.

Azma sent me sweet sms and sweet fb msges :D :D I love the post because i can send her things from here now :D hahahaha... I love making gift boxes. I'm thinking next items are dreamcatchers. If i can fing them here... :>

There's a hole in my neighbourhood which of late i cannot help but fall,

Peaace and Loove

Today :(

If the fact that every where i go there's constant reminders of you is a sign , then GOD O GOD pls

make this work for me!

As you can see I am NOT over Parsley Monster. I hate sounding like a love sick college girl who thinks there's not gonna be anyone out there for her ever except him. But for now i am.

I am currently enjoying my stay :) hopefully it stays that way. Major shopping paradise. Shopping is so cheap here! I wish May and Azma :( And i don't feel like a hefty hippo here, Well at least less than i do back home .....

I am just happy right now. Though I feel a lil uneasy about everything. I think the thing that scares me the most is that I'll be forgotten by my mates back home. Tight now that's all that worries me. Life here is going to be interesting. I hope.

More when there's more

till then

Stay too cool for school

Aussie

IMISSYOUALL

So yeah I'm finally in Perth. Things are going fine... For now. College start on the 23rd and I am super nervous.

The hardest part was the goodbyes. I wish teleportation were possible cause

I'm here and they're there :( I am still NOT over Parsley Monster. I have no interest in meeting anyone new. Cause anyone new is not Parsley Monster. :(

I'll blog more when I'm all settled. For now i leave with this.

Till then,

Stay in love people

PeaceLovePsychology

I am the thought that runs through your mind, the sight that makes you stare ,
the presence that makes you eternally happy.take my hand,feel the breeze.This is the last time.
We'll ever be.

I feel just lost.

I have no word.
I've just been drifting for too long.
I'm sick of always searching for something.
I don't even know what I' m searching for.

I just want to know what i want.

It's like waking up everyday feeling sad about something you can't put your finger on. It's not something you'll ponder over but it's just this annoying uneasy feeling you feel and it eats you up slowly.

I know i don't leave in a fairy tale.

But you don't just want to share your time with anyone,just the person that you feel is the one for that moment in time. Even if you know he's just for a moment .

Love Peace and Live

I am not going to go on ranting about it anymore.

I think it's about time to grow up and realize the world isn't a bowl full of Parsley Monster

Well, i am in Sabah now. Listening to Stone Sour :)

So Chinese New Year Is around the corner. I swear the holidays have lost all magic and sparks it once had over me. The saddest thing is that Christmas doesn't seem so magical anymore. Even New Year. Every year,.. It's now all commercialized!

The days have been good to me. Since i am not in labuan where I practically rot in front of the computer, my mind have been preoccupied with things to do in KK . I have my uni stuff to take care of and oh yeah, Classes are starting on the 23rd. So that mean i have to be in Perth before that. To be honest i really can't wait to start. My brain has been melting away.

I've been occupying my time by teaching myself myself German. I am a huge Hitler fan. Not his vision of course but Hitler himself. Someone so charming and influential that he practically had a whole nation eating from the palm of his hand. I remember when i was in the Model United Nation conference a delegate said " I think a country without a leader is doomed. Look at Hitler. He took over because the country lack guidance." Which is true. He utilize any opportunity he had. A great man Indeed!

Since My best friend is in Russia and God knows when we'll have the same break. I have to plan my holidays way ahead. I really want to go to GOA with May and Dar. But then May is leaving for the states in Sept and well Dar is again in Russia. Bali sounds really good too. But then again , Australia is practically a beach paradise so why not they just go there. Then again, i always wanted to go to Amsterdam which according to Dar it's pretty close to Russia. So like why the hell not. Sigh. Plans Plans Plans.

Sorry for my really lame blogposts lately. I'm not actually in my usual Love , peace and live mood. Been spacing out alot again lately. Not good at all. I guess this is how i get over it.

I will blog though more meaningful things again soon. When i feel inspired again. I have however bee writing again. Which is good.

Love Peace and Live.
Till next time

OHHAPPYDAY

Today went great though it started out with me having a hangover cause i took more shots then I should have.

:) Today was a good day. Oh happy day :) I felt so giddy.. I bought my red lipstick which goes super well with my newly dyed jet black hair and combine that with my new dress :) it will be super pwetty. I'm not vain or anything it's just that for a long time now i haven't actually cared how i looked and i swear i never look in the mirror cause that how unbothered i was. I look like a mess most of the time and i didn't even cared for shopping anymore cause it lost all meaning to me. I was constantly in my own zone, high and really not bothered. But today i woke up and i felt pretty again after a long time. And I realised that if there was one thing i should thank Parsley Monster for was that he made me realize nothing was wrong with me and that parents perception on their children are just fucked up :)

Actually there's many things that i should thank Parsley monster for.

Firstly, he actually made me feel normal. And i know that it sounds cliche but i really did feel out of place and all i wanted was to blend in. Sometimes you get so tired of being the odd one you just want to feel normal for abit. Secondly, he made me realize a few things about myself.. Urr... I want to have the option of not having an option. Thirdly, i guess he made me realise that sometimes it's okay to like someone. I know it sounds really dumb but i really really liked him. And he was the one guy i actually really had a crush on there. Lastly, that sometimes things happen and it's not my fault. Yeah it wasn't my fault. :)

I am just super happy today so he doesn't seem so bad.

So i just finished sky with Suraj and May. Cause they're so funneh and they help with the obsessing problem. Suraj is just like "Debra seriously stop! He's not worth it. Just don't bother" and May will be like " Debra you gotta stop man... laugh" hhahhahah... And then i'll be i know. I'll stop and the 20 minutes later i'll be like so Suraj did u see him today :P hahahahha....

I AM GONNA END THIS POST NOW CAUSE IT 4AM AND I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP BUT I ACTUALLY HAVE TONS I WANNA SAY SO I'LL JUST LEAVE YA'LL WITH THIS WHATEVER YOU SAY IT.

"YOU DON'T NEED A KEY TO MY HEART. JUST BREAK THE MOTHERFUCKING DOOR DOWN"

MUCH LOVE
PEACE

I THINK THIS IS GONNA BE MY NEXT INK :)

Gloomy DAY

Ain't no sunshine when he's gone .... And he's always gone too long.
And i know, i know , i know, i know
I should leave that young thing alone........
But ain't no sunshine when he's gone

I cannot express what i feel today. Because i myself have no idea what i feel.

Yes That song has been stuck in my head. That and Eric Clapton - Cocaine. Right now i think i should just sniff cocaine and get high or die of an overdose. No i am not sad about the whole Parsley Monster situation. No i am not being emo or over dramatic. Today is just in general a gloomy day. The air today feels weird. Not a good weird. A tense creepy weird.

I had a weird dream last night. My brother was doing somekind of deal with black Russian mafia . And i think one of the guy resembled a guy from college so i was staring at him thinking he was cute. SEE another sign of bad choices in man. I swear i am destined to marry a knock off version of Marilyn Manson or some drug lord or some shit like that. Suraj says that i shouldn't ever get married cause knowing me I'l probly get myself in lots of trouble. I think he's right.

Not gonna blog much. Tonyt I'm having a drinking Skype session with May and Suraj in celebration of results coming out and how bummed we are. I don't really care about mine cause bad or good my future is set .

I'm off.......
Peace out

Pentagrams and Jet black hair

Today I dyed my hair jet black :) cause i was sick of being a light head.
lol
Get it?
Cause my hair was a really light colour before

Basically, I have jet black hair and a pentagram ink. I'm turning out to be such a cliche. Now all i have to do is change my play list and start with the dark heavy make up . :P Which thank God i won't ever let happen :)
Why i got a pentagram? No not cause it's cool and all satanic and shit. I got it cause in the Pagan religion or in Wicca it's a symbol of protection :) That's why.


Today was pretty much an okay day. I am getting better and much more eager to go to Australia now. I just need a new view. A new direction.

Last night, i realized after two cans of beer anf a few ciggies this actually upset me more than I let myself actually admit. I never admit that cause i felt as though i have no right to feel that way anyways and it would just be soo stupid and getting all emotional is just soo weak and embarrassing.

The wall came down , i got invaded and then all he did was conquer and left the place in ruins. The wall never would have been down in the first place if he never said all that. I mean alcohol aside, i can deal if it was just alcohol. Cause I'm pretty much pro at the no emotional attachment game but no.... Heart beating and crap.
What i want now? An apology. Yes. And an explanation. Or at least have the decency to call and be like hey ya about that day here's what's up. Is that too much? Fuck you. I never even initiated anything. So yeah. I just got played. :O never thought I'd ever say that again. So yeah CONGRATULATIONS. Thank you. You now totally fucked up my trust issues again :) I swear. There's a pattern with the people i fall for.

I'm sitting here and i feel all anxious. I feel stupid, embarrassed and dumb. Plain ol dumb! Why? Cause I let myself get like this. I'm never head over heels for anyone. Even when i want to be i can't. And at the most unexpected moment and situation I end up like this. My head is telling me to suck it up and stop being fucking stupid. Every bone in my body feels like i should go and shout at someone. My heart is just telling me to call him uo and say hey what is wrong with U. I just feel so helpless and embarrassed and dumb. And i can't control it or help it. This is where my Capricorn side come out.

Untill i'm out of my rut. Ranting is all i'm gonna do. For now.

Hey MrMonster.
taco tard

Peace out.

I realized

But by the time we met
By the time we met the times had already changed

May always says that i look like i live in my own world and have my own thing going on. I never really thought about it until a few days ago and realised that she does have a point. I guess until recently my world consisted of me and only me but now the population went up a bit. I'm not ignorant to current issues, you'll actually be surprised how updated i am but i guess I'm sometimes soo deep in my thoughts that i don't actually care about everything else. It happens. I remember just sitting on my bed thinking for hours

Being in my own world means that I am very close to very few people. So when we hang out it always feels like there's this bubble we are in. I have a lot of friends but i have very few close friends. There's always a wall in the beginning but with the right people it goes down. Many people might view me as an open book and for a very long time i thought i was until i realize they only see the surface.

Relationship wise i am the same. That's why I don't actually get into relationship. Because (and this is not trying to be cliche) not many will get why i think the way i do . I remember the last one, we were constantly in this bubble and no one would get it.Even when we'd go out it felt like that. I guess that's why it was so intense. It's really hard for me to fall but when i do i fall hard cause you know, I let someone in to my world and when they leave you'll feel so vulnerable and broken. And i do give it my all... As all capricorns do :) Again i always do fall the odd ones. The thing is i never find my was,maybes and could haves odd though everyone else did. Cause no one is actually weird they just need a lil more time to understand than most people. I used to think Spike was my soulmate from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, so it's pretty much set that I'm doomed for many tragic romance. lol

I guess this whole world thing started as a defense mechanism. Cause I got so annoyed with people telling me how to do things right and stuff and what's normal. So you know when your in your own world normal is what you make of it. And i am a very awkward person in general and as May puts "i have many akward habits and i tend to make situations more awkward than it already is", so it's nice not to feel different. I remember me telling my dad something and he said "how about try normal for a change"... I don't know how i turned out so different from my brothers... Lolz... I inherited all my habits from my dad....

So when you tired of not being like everyone else and you cant change , now you know what to do :)
Cause it won't rain if you don't want it to when you have your own place in your head

Recovery is going okay. I sense a relapse though
:(
oh well
Parsley Monster

Oh Parsley Monster ,leave ny garde alone. :(

Today I woke up with a rather shitty feeling.

I had this weird awkward dream about parsley monster. It's useless for me to write about it because it doesn't even make sense in my head. But there was this moment that stuck in my mind. We were in a corridor, the two weird spy people were leaving through the back and parsley monster was walking away the opposite direction. I remember standing in the middle really wanting to follow parsley monster but i was scared he'll be like what are u doing...? So i stood there and watched. Then as he turned to look back i looked into his eyes and they were this gleaming green colour , he gave this half smile from the side. And all i did was stood in the middle. All i was thinking was why am i not following him. So i stood there, gave a smile and then there was fog.

since it has been a long time since i actually truly had feelings for someone.

I only vividly remember my recovering process

This is pretty much it. I'll be in my own zone for a while, there will be many dreams, questions and there will be times when i think I'm over it but somehow it creeps back in and i am not. At which i will probably go and drown myself with a new book and fantasize about the hero oh and tons of my music. Eventually, slowly, i'll regain a sense of sanity and be alright!

It's a long and miserable process. But again i always said i embrace the pains of life. I guess it's just something i have to go through. It sucks but at least there's a lesson in all this. And hopefully karma will be nicer to me in the future.

The thing that does piss me off is the fact i am so emotional. I mean why the hell did i even get myself suck into this. I have to be more careful with people and their words. And the saddest part is that i could mean that little to him, and he is this enormous thought for me.

Love and all it's tragedies

I know it's been a while since i updated.

I am such a coward!

This is what has been happening lately.

Well, i went to KL for a week and just got back two days ago.

Why?

Because 1st I was completely head over heels for this guy. We will name him parsley monster . 2nd > May just got over a breakup and Azma's burd day was coming. 3rd to meet Suraj :)

We had like a goal for each of us . Her's was to end things (like really really really end) with the ex. Mine was to tell parsley monster how i felt. This would have been easy if i was as forthcoming as i am with my feelings as may or if may was not forthcoming with her feeling like me. It is really really hard for me to open up with this things. I know people see me and they think ahhh open book. I sometimes wish i was so i don't have to tell people how i felt instead they can see it.

Anyways this is what happened.
So May went and tried to solve her problem and i went to solve mine.

Eventually i just had really akward, weird and what should i do meetings with parsley monster. I was going to tell him though on my last day. I even thought of what to say Here it goes,

Parsley monster, i like you. Way more than you know. I mean i don't expect anything or even A responds but just hear me out cause I'm leaving and this would just bug me if i didn't get this over with. Anyways, i like you because people don't hate you they just don't understand you.. I like you alot because it's okay to be awkward with you cause you make the awkwardness funny. The fact i don't feel silly talking to you about the silliest things. The fact that i think except for may i don't think anyone else would be able to understand my obsession over the stupidest things. The way your cheeks turns red when you smile or the fact you open my eyes to soo many thnigs. The way you say the most cliche things but it's soo sweet. And instead of just understanding, you'll actually try to relate. There's more but it's just silly to point out everything. Basically, i don't like you just because your different or special. I like you don't pretend and if we lit this fire, we will burn the whole world down.

Yes, not only was i soo confident that i was going to tell him how i felt i was sooo confidence that i wrote a speech. Well, that didn't happen. And i chicken out. Yeah, i'm really bummed!

Okay so you might be wondering. If you really didn't expect anything why didn't you just tell him. Well, there's simple answers to that. Firstly, not is he in a relationship but the image of me being given the what the hell are you doing Debra face is just too morbid to even imagine. Secondly, i fucking time myself each time i look at him so that i don't look like i'm staring and act so obvious that i like him so this would be like me running before i even tried walking. Thirdly, i just had no balls.

I NEEDED TO GROW BALLS. Lastly,
because if he told me he was just playing about before or if this was some kind of joke and that everything he said before was meaningless I would just be sooo ACHING
.
Like any normal third party in this scenario you'll be like "but he's in a relationship " and "what a bitch". And yeah, i might have gotten a few not so friendly smileys when i told a few of my friends. I even felt like a bitch. But i was so absorb i didn't really care. I was living in this bubble. The scariest part was it was how it was. For me though. I dunno him. Maybe it's just me. Maybe i'm the one thinking too much about it. And maybe he was just playing at which point if he really was playing i have a whole other speech for him :p containing not so nice words . Whatever it is.
For me to really get over this whole PARSLEY MONSTER sheep goat dog taco tard thing.
is to ease my mind of this

"how much longer are you going to be like this? so cold?" - Wise friend
"Debra, just tell him how you feel. What do you have to lose? " - May
I answered my face.

Hmmm...

I might have been that girl who use to watch other girls cry because of how hurt they are cause they got rejected from the guy they like and be thinking I'm sure glad I'm not them. But I was just too much of a coward to ever express myself like them. They are the brave ones. And no it's not stupid to cry over things like this. Cause you know eventually you'll be alright but eventually is not now and you deserve a mourning period.

I guess with Parsley Monster it's like yeah I'll meet other people and other guys. i know i would. But it scares me to know that i might not find someone who actually thinks the way Parsley monster does. Because with him, it's not the way he acts, looks or do things. It's the way he thinks.

That's why it's hard

There's always going to be other Mr X,Y and Z. But i don't know Parsley Monster

I might sound like a cliche girl in crushing, infatuation mode. But i really don't care. And some people might know who I'm talking about and gosh think it's stupid. I mean yeah, even i do. But i don't really care. Basically, to everyone out there thinking or trying to figure if they should or not tell the person they have intense feeling of like with how they feel to just DO IT. Don't let the fear take over. The worst feeling to have is when you knew you could have done something but you didn't and all you have is this feeling of wondering and just thinking about what if. A broken heart will eventually mend, but a heart filled with regret will always stay and won't soon go away. So what if the situation is complicated. The other person might be fresh from a break up or hasn't broken up. Maybe you know that even if you did tell that person it wouldn't change anything but screw the situation. You owe it to yourself to tell them. All you can do is put yourself out there and hope that the other person will come out with you. The reason i love Shakespear is not only because he portrayed love as something to suffer for or for man to fight for. It's because he portrayed love as something so magical and beautiful that even with tragic endings , you felt their happiness.

Margaret Mitchell
I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.

Much love,
debra