Pentagrams and Jet black hair

Today I dyed my hair jet black :) cause i was sick of being a light head.
lol
Get it?
Cause my hair was a really light colour before

Basically, I have jet black hair and a pentagram ink. I'm turning out to be such a cliche. Now all i have to do is change my play list and start with the dark heavy make up . :P Which thank God i won't ever let happen :)
Why i got a pentagram? No not cause it's cool and all satanic and shit. I got it cause in the Pagan religion or in Wicca it's a symbol of protection :) That's why.


Today was pretty much an okay day. I am getting better and much more eager to go to Australia now. I just need a new view. A new direction.

Last night, i realized after two cans of beer anf a few ciggies this actually upset me more than I let myself actually admit. I never admit that cause i felt as though i have no right to feel that way anyways and it would just be soo stupid and getting all emotional is just soo weak and embarrassing.

The wall came down , i got invaded and then all he did was conquer and left the place in ruins. The wall never would have been down in the first place if he never said all that. I mean alcohol aside, i can deal if it was just alcohol. Cause I'm pretty much pro at the no emotional attachment game but no.... Heart beating and crap.
What i want now? An apology. Yes. And an explanation. Or at least have the decency to call and be like hey ya about that day here's what's up. Is that too much? Fuck you. I never even initiated anything. So yeah. I just got played. :O never thought I'd ever say that again. So yeah CONGRATULATIONS. Thank you. You now totally fucked up my trust issues again :) I swear. There's a pattern with the people i fall for.

I'm sitting here and i feel all anxious. I feel stupid, embarrassed and dumb. Plain ol dumb! Why? Cause I let myself get like this. I'm never head over heels for anyone. Even when i want to be i can't. And at the most unexpected moment and situation I end up like this. My head is telling me to suck it up and stop being fucking stupid. Every bone in my body feels like i should go and shout at someone. My heart is just telling me to call him uo and say hey what is wrong with U. I just feel so helpless and embarrassed and dumb. And i can't control it or help it. This is where my Capricorn side come out.

Untill i'm out of my rut. Ranting is all i'm gonna do. For now.

Hey MrMonster.
taco tard

Peace out.